How To Keep Your Teen Emotionally Focused While We Stay At Home

I was recently afforded the opportunity to be a guest on Desmond Blackburn’s show DOERS, and we had a brief conversation on how to keep our teenager emotionally focused while we are all on quarantine (link to the interview can be found at the end).  Although I do have a degree in Child Development and have raised a couple of children, but this current situation is new to the entire world. I am no expert, but I did want to share are some things that I have learned as a parent.
Remain Calm – The teenage years can already be a roller coaster simply due to the growth and hormonal changes that are taking place, so when a major crisis or a situation that can bring a lot of unknown factors, one of the best things that we can do as adults is to be calm.  We set the tone in our homes, so if we are freaking out it will cause our children to freak out. I am not saying don’t deal with your own fears; you can and should do that, but seek the support of an adult that can support and handle adult fears. Do your best to be peaceful so that your home can be filled with peace.
Be Mindful of Your Environment – Part of setting the tone for your home is going to be paying attention to what you’re watching and saying.  If you play the news in your home 24/7, it’s going to stir up a lot of stress, anxiety and fear simply because of what is being put out by the media.  Also, be mindful of conversations you’re having, even simply on the phone. Children, especially teenagers, pay attention to conversations we have with others.  Be a reliable source by keeping your child informed of what’s going on (give them facts) without overwhelming them. 
Be Patient, Available & Affectionate - The crisis the world is currently dealing with is creating a lot of stress and emotions in adults, so you can only imagine what is going through our teens’ minds.  That stress may cause your child to behave outside of his or her normal behavior. You may need to be a little more patient and show some grace. Make yourself available to listen and have open, honest discussions with what’s going on.  Let your child know that you are available to talk and are there. Give your son or daughter some extra hugs and affection. Human touch and some extra TLC can give some extra comfort and reinforce love and care. For those of us with high school seniors, it’s important to help them deal with the emotions of all that they feel that they are losing right now.  If you’re able to, try and come up with creative ways to make up for any activities that have been lost due to the COVID-19 situation.
Encourage Communication with Peers and Loved Ones – In a normal crisis, students usually go right back to school within days of the situation ending, and they can be in their normal school environment and be there for each other.  There are also socioemotional counselors and support that’s available to students while they are at school. They do not have that option in this current situation, so encourage your child to communicate with their friends.  They have many technological options for them to communicate and see each other face-to-face.
Things To Do – Even during school breaks, children do not stay indoors at home all day in our society.  Our children are extremely busy, so while we help them adapt to staying home, there are some things that we can do to help them make good use of the time:

• Have a Routine – Creating a schedule will help give your teen things to look forward to, help them accomplish their schoolwork and chores and will help manage the day.  However, this schedule does not need to be rigid. Be flexible due to the circumstances, and adjust this schedule to fit the needs of your unique teen.
  
• Exercise – It’s a good idea to get out for a walk in your own neighborhood, run around in the background, dribble a basketball or roller skate in your driveway, but even if you can’t do that there are other ways to get some movement.  There are even plenty of workouts and fun dance/exercise tutorials available online. This is not only physically beneficial, but it helps with mental health as well.
  
• Non-Tech Activities – This is a great time to get together with your family and play board games, play checkers, cards, do word searches and put together puzzles.  Involve your teen with cooking meals, which is beneficial to teaching them life skills and teaching them to serve/contribute in their home. Taking the time to read books, journal, draw/paint works a different area of the brain and is great for focusing and rational thinking.  If your teen plays an instrument, playing music is a great outlet and you can even put together an in-home concert for your family or invite other family members to join via video technology platforms like Zoom. It’s a great time to teach your teen a new skill or pass on things you know; that could be changing the oil in the car, crocheting, sewing, carpentry, crafting or anything.  This is an opportune time to connect as a family.
  
• Exercise Faith – This is a great time to spend time as a family praying and teaching or reinforcing spirituality, if that is something you do.  In my home, this gives me time to not rush through prayers or devotions. It’s no longer just routine, but we can take our time and read the bible together and take the time to have a lot of meaningful discussions.
  

If your teen is having a very tough time and you’re unable to help, seek professional help.  There are online counselors available. The County of Ventura has a site that contains resources and information on how to Talk To Your Children About COVID-19, Managing Stress and Anxiety due to COVID-19, How Teenagers Can Protect Their Mental Health During Coronavirus and more at https://www.ventura.org/departments/hsa/community-events/coronavirus-remote-resources/remonte-resources-during-coronavirus/#COPING/MENTAL%20HEALTH 
Remember, just as all adults and people in general are unique, every child is as well.  Each has his or her own communication styles and learning styles. No two are the same, and it is up to us as caring, responsible adults to recognize and utilize our child(ren)’s individual style, so that we can be effective in our teaching and communication in this challenging situation.  Give your teen the assurance that you care, that you’re there for them and you will do everything you can to help get him or her through it.
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